I remember saying on the way into the operating room, "I'm really scared, you are going to give me something for that aren't you???" Then after that no consciousness except deep peace and darkness. I had to reorient myself to what was real when I woke up in Recovery. During the first two days after surgery I had 3 dreams. Jesus, blond, tan, and nude gave my dream body a loving bath. Two South American Shamans performed a sacred healing ritual using rattles over my dream body. I saw my SELF floating in a giant river that was everyone's prayers. I relaxed into it, letting it support me I drew strength from it. I was very thankful for all of this and promised to formally honor on my alter at home these angels that had revealed themselves to me.
So, I had 5 more days in the hospital after S.O. went home. I felt I was treated with great respect by all the hospital personnel. The dietician and the social worker helped; and the physical therapists were excellent. I began to take a little more control of my nursing plan beginning with going off the morphine. Right away then the pain kept me from sleeping. By June 12 @ 2:20 pm I was really wanting to go home and was so thankful that they let me go even though I was still puking.
The first thing we did when I got home was a colonic; which we continued every a.m. and at bedtime. You can read more about the science behind colon cleansing in my other article. I felt sorry for people who do not know about enemas. They must struggle and strain in pain after surgery. If I had to identify the number one best natural health practice we used to aide my miraculous recover it would be this. It made easy the elimination of toxic waste that otherwise would just sit so close to the area of inflammation.
In the hospital they said the doctor wanted me to get up to the bathroom. That was good. At home, however, I used a bedpan at night until I was allowed to get up without the turtle shell cast.
The friendship thing was big right away. I had lots of calls, visitors and guests. I don't think I would be as good as I am now if it weren't for my friends. Then there was my openness to ask and my willingness to receive.
So, in the beginning the main things to manage were pain and sleep. I allowed myself to smoke a little pot and drink a little red wine right away. I remember being very defensive, like a mother tiger, of my right to risk drug addiction. I was well aware of the natural health view; that the longer pain is masked, the longer it is felt. I felt I could trust myself to use the MD RX pain medicine, a synthetic codeine, only as much as I needed. At first I took 2 every 2 hours.
S.O. and I were not accustomed to sleeping together. The first 3 weeks at home we shared his bed. He wanted to be close so he could hear me and get up with me in the night. He wanted to see if spoon snuggle visualization meditations might help me.
June 13, my first day home, #1 stayed with me while S.O. went to the Health Food Store. The 3 of us worked on his list which included: homeopathics for trauma and nerve damage (taken under the tongue, rubbed on my legs and back and sprayed on the incision area ); high protein powders; multivitamins and minerals, digestive enzymes, extra calcium, Vitamins B and C supplements; antioxidants; growth hormone activators; menopause and wild yams creams; and colloidal silver.
# 1 set up a schedule of people to come over and help S.O. every afternoon for a couple hours.
June 14 we began arranging for my physical therapy at home. I was craving body work.
At this point I needed help in the bathroom, getting up and down, and to bathe, shampoo, do my nails, deal with pain and sleep, the colonics, sitting in the chair and all meal prep. I walked with a walker and could not even fill my own water glass. Friends even washed windows and cleaned the entire house. They worked in the garden, prepared us food and arranged flowers.
By June 18, not home one week, I needed another bottle of 60 pain pills.
2 weeks after surgery I still need help getting in bed for a nap, with all bath and food services. I did not go to the summer solstice party or daughter #3's wedding. I had started to enjoy watching videos.
June 25 I can get in and out of my shell unassisted. S.O. writes, "another amazing tick on the hand of healing". I'm crying that afternoon and evening. I do not have much appetite.
Another bottle of pain medicine...?
June 26 S.O. asks #1 to continue to schedule help with care giving. I am still in his bed and interrupting his sleep every night. He gets into poetry writing. My pain is still what you would have to call uncontrolled. I don't believe the Rx pain meds are touching the nerve pain in my left leg. That evening at 9:30 a neighbor brings poppies in moonshine. I start having a drink with fresh organic cream and honey at bedtime.
June 27 #1 schedules help 5 more days. PT is still being arranged. I laugh for the first time in days talking on the phone to Lynne. She begins sending me Sacred Healing Energy every day at 11:00 a.m. that I am supposed to try and receive at that time.
June 28 S.O. adjusted my shell where it was hurting my pubic and hip bones. This involved melting and bending it out in his shop. He also put a handle by the toilet so I can pull myself up.
June 30 S.O. needs advice about my moods. #1 and D encourage us both that we are doing good. That nothing is anyone's fault or responsibility. We are under such a great stress right now we need to avoid drama more than ever.
*TRY NOT TO TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY! Perhaps The Secret to Happiness!!
July 2 I was upset and depressed. Sue came and got me. I needed to be in a woman's environment. I took the steristrips off my incision in her hottub. I slept well on her screen porch with the music of the toads from her pond. On the 4th of July, she called The Women's High Tea. From 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. all the women in our wonderful community were there with gifts and beautiful foods and drinks. They massaged my feet and hands. It felt so good and meant so much that they would spend their holiday morning making me Queen for the Day.
July 5 home from Sue's. Mrs. X came to visit for the weekend for the first time. She was "a friend of a friend." I asked her to help me move back into my cabin and she did. Aaahhhhh....Home! I started staying up all night reading and sleeping into the afternoon. S.O. and one or two friends checked on me everyday and brought food and did what ever chores I needed done; including: composting, air-conditioning, trash, sweeping, washing the dishes, changing the sheets and mowing the grass. Every two or three days S.O. brought me over to his house via car for a shower, colonic, phone calls, and a movie. I would prefer a tub bath but still can't get comfortable. Friends encourage S.O. that my independence is OK; but that first month of me living on my own again we are estranged. It feels like an unbelievably long time until my 6 week doctor visit.
July 9 I am crying when the PT RN visits. She is real sweet, encouraging and supportive.
July 10 S.O. writes, "best day so far!" I still need help putting pain relieving lotions on my back and legs.
July 11 was the only time I called S.O. in the night to come over. I was afraid that I was dying of diarrhea.
July 12 the masters prepared therapist visits with the friend who will be my PTA.
July 13 my PTA finally started. She was great. Twice a week for 4 months, I looked forward to her visits, her pep talks, her massages, our walks and the progression of my home exercise program. She especially emphasized that my safety was of utmost importance for a total recovery.
July 20 S.O. takes me out for the first time to dinner at D's. I am glad Mia is there for me to excitedly talk with about Food Combining Theory.
July 22 Mrs. X's third visit to S.O.'s! I talked to my PTA and priest friend about my anger and jealousy beginning to boil at S.O. re: HER!
July 23 Lynne calls because she feels "shut out by my anger"! I confide in her, too.
July 25 S.O. prays I'll understand and Mrs. X leaves for the last time. I perk up when certain friends visit. Then S.O. is trying not to be jealous.
July 26 He writes, "Jude needed to ventilate her feelings toward me." I felt like I might have a stroke or heart attack if I didn't. I asked him to let me speak uninterrupted, to just listen. I told him I hated him. I cried and carried on for about one half hour. When I said I was finished and he could go without responding; he said; "I honor your anger." I called Mrs. X and said F... You!!
This was a turning point in my healing. I had dealt with a big life issue of running away from conflict. I had learned my lesson again how something that seems really bad can work out to be a good thing. I had made my way through the grief process; doubt, denial, depression, anger, etc. I had arrived in my healing process at acceptance; I accepted what I needed to. I was happy and In Love again.
July 27 I had the best soak in the bath tub yet. We are able to make love again, carefully but exquisitely. I still stay up late reading.
July 29 a Sunday and my PTA came with my cane. I cooked my first meal at my house, veggie burritos.
July 30 I am completely off the pain pills. I went to get my first X-ray with girlfriends and out to lunch. When we looked at the X-ray in the car I was shocked. The titanium parts were very bright and large. There was the titanium cage around the spine from L2 to L4. I had expected that. There was a C-clamp to the left side with large, sharp screws thru L2 and L4. Dr. R explained that's where the nerve damage came from, those two screws in each vertibra. He said I would lose very little movement. I had to continue wearing the shell brace but was allowed to sit up without it. That was a big come ahead.
July 31 I was very tired! I started a new med! In just 30 days the nerve damage would turn around enough for me to recover my muscle tone. My first shower without the turtle shell brace! We start snuggling and napping every afternoon at my place. Friends continue to bring us dinner there.
Two months after the accident I am still not walking alone because I need the cane. My PTA points out balance errors. I still do not sleep well at night due to nerve pain. I am able to straighten up my space a little. I talk on the phone alot. I can go to the neighborhood parties now. I lay on S.O.'s front screen porch reading on the day bed all day. I am still tired and my back is sore. I start to be able to tolerate a little sunshine. I can prepare some of my meals. I am taking it easy. My friends harvest the garden for me.
Sept 1 I walk half a mile with my PTA.
Sept 4 I walk with S.O. from my house to his house and back.
S.O. wants to make sure I tell you about the Darrumbe' treatments. He believes there is alot of truth to the old adage; put a purring cat in a room full of broken bones and they'll heal. The low frequency vibration stimulates healing. Sometimes from 3 - 5 hours he used Sound, a deep vibration, like Om with an open mouth on the skin to transfer the vibratory frequency directly into the surrounding tissue.
In September I start to email again. I can do my own colonics and baths now. I start to walk around the block unassisted. I still don't do dishes but I made an apple pie.
September 13, my 2nd X-ray and I am free of the shell. Dr. R says it is excellent that I did not gain alot of weight laying around all summer. I am starting to feel fat!
My astrologer advises caution for the rest of my life. I am not going to try and do even half of what I used to. She also said I should not think about cleansing for another year.
When the weather turned cold I moved back in with SO and the wood stove. We start a regular Sunday Sauna. I was able to cook a big dinner for the family on S.O.'s birthday in the middle of October. I adopt an old horse and start feeding, brushing and loving her for my additional exercise and therapy. We went to D's for Thanksgiving and out dancing. I couldn't let loose.
It wasn't like I ever really felt in touch with my own healing powers. I was just trying to do everything I could. I was not on any special diet except I eliminated coffee and junk food entirely from my diet. I'm trying to share with you anything that may have contributed to reaching my goal of not becoming a chronic back pain patient.
The cleansing diet I discuss in my other article will prevent the development of arthritis. A recent issue of Time magazine featured the coming epidemic of arthritis. I believe that is the drug companies trying to sell drugs. The natural health view is: arthritis is a toxic condition resulting from longterm dietary deficiencies and lack of proper exercises.
I plan to use the herb comfrey to increase bone strength for the rest of my life.
One of the last things I did to achieve a 100% recovery was going to visit a friend for 2 months in Costa Rica. I felt old, fat, stiff and sore when I left home. I love the climate there. I was able to eat fruit for breakfast and lunch, and salad and fish for dinner. I felt my weight stabilize at about 10 pounds higher than before I broke my back. I wondered if it happened because I was a little too skinny. I continued my PT exercises and weekly massage; and added 3-4 mile walks in the flat sand, bobbing in the surf and swimming in a small fresh water garden lap pool. I got up to 15 laps which was only 1/16th of a mile, but still it felt great. I went out dancing weekly and about New Years started to feel myself being able to move freely; Thank Goddess!
My 50th birthday was 9 months after the accident and I was pretty much back to normal by then.
A final ceremony I did at the 1 year anniversary was to put good energy back into the River that had so lovingly supported and nourished me.
My mantra for many years has been ONE;
*Everything is connected!
Spiritually, an attitude of gratitude is vital. I was very thankful. My community demontrated their thankfulness by having a benefit for me. Enough money was raised for me to settle all my outstanding medical bills. It was a great party. Then I wrote this letter:
Dear Family and Friends,
I've wanted to send you these words of appreciation for quite some time. I hope you will be able to overlook the form letter. I have so much to be thankful for and so many people to thank. I know you heard about my accident in June. I wanted to let you know how I am doing now. I've been to the neurosurgeon twice for x-rays and can see bone growth. I am no longer required to wear the turtle shell. In another 6 months I will be able to ride again. It has been such an amazing miracle to witness: that something so terrible could turn out so wonderful. AND ALL BECAUSE OF YOU, REALLY!
I could have been overwhelmed that first month by the grief and pain and helplessness. It was quite an inward journey. I was in the exact spot I was supposed to be in. It wasn't good or bad: it just was.
I believe the secret to happiness in life is how you take it. I tried not to take my disappointment too seriously. I got hurt really bad doing something I love very much. I tried so hard to welcome the experience as a sacred teaching! I received a tremendous show of support. I was in awe at the outpouring of deep concern for me. I believe all the cards, gifts and visitors really saved me from despair. Your encouraging words, hopes, smiles and thoughts really helped. THANK YOU FOR SENDING ME YOUR GOOD ENERGY!
Thank you for reminding me how strong and healthy I am! It gave me strength that you never doubted me.
I took the good advice, affirmations and inspirations to heart. I visualized your love and prayers as a great river of good vibes. I had only to relax and receive. I am so lucky to have this idyllic setting in which to recover. My healing was further blessed by the bountiful summer garden. But I could not have done it without you.
I never lost sight of how fortunate I was to be alive and free of paralysis. I felt a responsibility to learn my lessons well and emphasize the miracles. I feel I did learn alot about some big issues for me, like talking about my feelings. I felt angels watching over me and your prayers being answered. I learned how important staying still is and what a gift the present moment is. I received so much comfort from watching birds and butterflies on my flowers. I dreamed about our connection to the Divine.
God's love was near me - revealing my strength, healing and spirit moving forward.
I hope to be a better person and to be able to help others keep on getting better now.
So, that is what I wanted to say:
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THIS GREAT ADVENTURE AND MY PERFECT RECOVERY!
LOVE AND PEACE,
dr.hey jude
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